So preschool seems to be causing some attachment issues for Nikolai. For background info, he is supposed to go 3 days/week for 4 hours/day. Last week was the first week. By the 3rd day he was crying and begging not to go.
Today, we took Nikolai to nursery at church. He has been going to nursery since he was 18 months old and has never had a problem going. Well today, he screamed bloody murder for the first ten minutes until his teachers had to go get Steve. He ended up in primary sitting next to me and watching sharing time. I leaned over to ask him if he wanted to go back to nursery yet. His response:
"No, if I went back to nursery you would miss me. And mommy, you need someone to take care of you."
He told us later he was worried that we wouldn't come back and pick him up. When have we ever forgotten to pick him up? He has also started sleeping with his door open since preschool started. He says he wants to be able to hear us. We'll hear him sneak out once or twice so that he can come peek over the banister and make sure we're still home, and then he goes and gets back in bed. How does 3 days of preschool do this? Is it reversible? Anyone else ever had a kid struggle so much? Do I take him out and wait till next year? HELP!!
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9 comments:
Hang in there, my daughter was the same way. Supposedly, when they see that you are there each day they'll get better. My daughter is now in first grade and she still gets a little nervous when I'm leaving her someplace. But, she goes and has fun and does great. He'll get it and it will get easier for you too.
Mary that is really tough. We went through the same thing with Jacob. He wouldn't even go to nursery very well without Danny or I being in there. We put him in a preschool last year and ended up pulling him out about one month later. He would cry sooo hard when we dropped him off and he really seemed miserable when we picked him up. I had decided that if he still wasn't happy after a month then I would take him out. When that time came and he really hadn't changed much, I pulled him. I had put him in because I thought he would enjoy it, and when he wasn't enjoying it we decided to wait until the year before kindergarten. So here we are now, the year before kindergarten, and it has been so much better. I really just think Jacob wasn't ready for it. He was really nervous this time around, but it only took going twice for him to realize that he likes going now. He has even made a friend.
Having said all of that, it's a hard choice to make. Watch and see, give him some time, but if you have another year, and it's causing so much anxiety, you could wait. You know him best.
Not that you care one bit for what I think since you have never met me (which is way too bad seeing as how fond our husbands are of each other -- for the record, I'd love to meet you!) BUT, I echo Sara's sentiments. If he was doing great in nursery it seems like preschool is just too much for him to handle. It seems less like attachment issues and more like he's just not ready. I'd pull him and try again next year. In the mean time, if you do pull him, go to teachmemommy.com and buy their book and do their preschool activities at home with him -- it's a great book! Either way, good luck!
Poor Nikolai. Just give him some time, I'm sure things will get better. Have you talked to his teachers about how he's doing in class? Keely was having a hard time with kindergarten ("Mom, I don't think kindergarten is the right fit for me") :) and things really turned around after Lisa talked with her teacher and mentioned some things the teacher could do that might help. Not that you know what to suggest, but some communication might help.
My heart breaks thinking how hard it must be for you. Is there any possibility you could send him twice a week, instead?
Hi
Mary we have dealt with this and yes if it isn't normal separation anxiety it can be serious. If it doesn't go away I can share with you what I have learned. Give me a call. I wish I had known how to deal w/ it earlier.
Joanna
ditto to Leah's first sentence. I think that, in most cases, it's a phase, not a fun one for anyone involved, but a phase nonetheless. Our oldest, actually, has phased in and out of that for a year now. For several months she can barely wave at me when I drop her off, but then weeks will go by where she won't let go of my leg. Go figure. I'm sure there are some extreme cases of separation anxiety but most kids will get the hang of how it works and know you WILL come back!
I would give it a little time before you make the decision to pull him. Jonah had separation trouble last year, too, but now he coes great at drop off. It just takes some time for the routine to sink in and for the little ones to realize that you will, indeed, always come back for them.
Can't thank you all (including those that emailed me separately) enough for your comments. We're trying several things, including cutting out a day and if none of those work, we'll pull him till next year. Thank you again for all your support and advice!
Hey Mary, I would hang in there. Give it a good couple of weeks. Mallory was the same way so I gave her options....she could go to preschool, or she could come home and take a nap. Of course she chose the first option and was still sad to stay but it just got better and better. Good luck.
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